Wednesday, December 14, 2011

SUFFICIENT ATTENTION SYNDROME: The Subtle Crippler

The article below was lifted from the current issue of the Journal of Possible Disorders.

In mid-November of this year, Dr. Kevin Bland of the University of Cleveland School of Medicine described a disorder long thought to exist but never before identified, Sufficient Attention Syndrome.

“SAS may be part of the autism range,” said Dr. Bland. “Its sufferers were previously ignored because they tended to avoid online social networks. They’re identifiable, though, by their requirement of unusually long periods to assess their surroundings. They pause in conversations, evidently to think about what was said and what to say themselves. They are employment-challenged by their inability to multitask; in fact, they often seem proud of being monotaskers. Continually dissatisfied with news headlines, they insist on knowing details, too. They don’t watch television because rapid scene changes nauseate them. They’re often shunned because they’re considered too curious and intense.”

Fortunately, treatments are promising. According to Dr. Bland, “Avarice Pharmaceuticals has developed a new drug, Distractin, designed to scramble neural circuits back to normal. We expect in the near future to welcome SAS patients back into fast-track society.”

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